Tel: 01268-566743

Doctor, Doctor, I keep thinking I’m a Christmas bell!

Just take these pills and if they don’t work, give me a ring!

Nurse! I want to operate. Take this patient to the theatre.

Ooh! Good! I love a nice pantomime at Christmas!

Doctor, Doctor, Father Christmas gives us oranges every Christmas. Now I think I’m turning into an orange!

Have you tried playing squash?

Father Christmas: Doctor, Doctor I feel so unfit

Doctor: You need to go to an elf farm

Doctor, Doctor, with all the excitement of Christmas I can’t sleep.

Try lying on the edge of your bed...you’ll soon drop off!

Doctor, Doctor, I’m scared of Father Christmas

Doctor: You’re suffering from Claus-trophobia.

My problem is that I keep stealing things when I go Christmas shopping. Can you give me something for it!

Doctor: Try this medicine... and if it doesn’t work come back and bring me a new video camera.

Christmas presents

Woman: Have you something for my husband? He has flat feet.

Assistant: Why not buy him a foot pump?

Woman: And he suffers from water on the knee.

Assistant: So buy him some drainpipe trousers!

Man: Actually she wanted something with diamonds

 but I only have two pounds.

Assistant: So, buy her a pack of cards.

Man: My wife would like an unusual watch.

Assistant: Certainly, Sir. This one has insects in place of numbers.

Man: So how do you tell the time?

Assistant: Easy. Look! It’s just coming up to fly past flea.

Man: I’d like a magician’s set for my son.

Assistant: Is he a beginner?

Man: No! He’s been practising the sawing-people-in-half trick for years.

Assistant: Is he an only child?

Man: No, No! He has a lot of half-brothers and sisters.

Man: Do you have a pink car for my daughter?

Assistant: Sorry, Sir, we’re all sold out. It seems everyone in the country

has bought a pink car this week.

Man: You realise what this means?

Assistant: Yes, sir. We’re slowly turning into a pink car-nation.

Woman: Excuse me, do you have a kitten for my little girl?

Assistant: Sorry, madam, we don’t do swaps.

Woman: I mean, have you got any kittens going cheap?

Assistant: Certainly not! They all go miaow!